|
This is certainly not photography related and I wondered whether I should share it here. But, the reality is, if I don't speak my truth as a business owner and community member and human, that's not okay. I wouldn't be a good business owner and person if I didn't stand up for what I believe in. If you don't agree and don't want to have me as your photographer, then I accept that. I send you love anyway. Truly. Resources and Action links at the bottom. Are you sad? Frustrated? Angry? A little sick? Me too. I have been sitting with it, seeing my own part, my passive part in what has been happening for too long. I see so many focused on the riots. Riots happen all the time. We see them when sports teams win OR lose. We see them when people are together and herd mentality takes over. There is SO much energy there at once and it amplifies in every person. Energy is a STRONG thing. Is it right to get violent and be destructive? NO. But, when you feel like you are at the end of your rope, when you have tried peaceful protests and were told to shut up, when NOTHING changes, that frustration and sadness is bound to just boil to the surface. Add in a bunch of people with the same feelings and energy—riots. You didn’t want them to take a knee. You didn’t want to listen to them. They just want to be HEARD and SEEN and they deserve to be. They felt their only choice was to go out and protest this- in the middle of a pandemic when their communities have been some of the hardest hit. They are tired. We are all tired, so they must be. They are at their wit’s end. And we should all see it and start using our voices and our actions to be allies. So, the riots are riots. They aren’t right but they aren’t some type of proof that your racist thoughts are true. They’re not. DON’T start talking about the riots as if they somehow diminish the real issue at hand. A man was killed. It was on video. It was blatant. It was disgusting. THAT IS THE STORY. The riots are becoming a distraction from what we need to really focus on. Don’t get distracted. Two videos of men being brutally murdered were shared, people taking things into their own hands. So many stay silent. Every time something like this happens, I wonder where the good cops are. There are A LOT of great cops. Not all cops are bad, not even close. But, if you see others doing wrong, just admit it. Say you’re outraged too. DO something. Your silence doesn’t help. In fact, I think it hurts. It makes it seem like you condone it. I know it’s hard to speak about “one of your own” but if you disagree, they are not one of your own. The moment they stepped over the line that you wouldn’t, they stopped being one of you.  We can’t just stand by and say we’re saddened or outraged. I admit, I haven’t know what to do and so, haven’t done anything concrete. I have done some of the work , but not enough. None of us can sit by and let these things continue to happen. We all have to OWN our part. We all have to dig into our own lives, backgrounds, cultures and see how we’ve contributed. Do you call that racist uncle out when he says something or do you shrug it off to “he’s just like that”? Do you have ANY thoughts in your head when you see a hooded black boy or man in a store or on the street? Do you use ANY language at all that puts POC down or laugh when someone else does? Do you shout “All Lives Matter”? It doesn’t matter if you “have black friends” or “donated to a cause”. That doesn’t automatically make you NOT racist. You may truly feel in your heart that you are not racist, but you can have unconscious racial bias. This comes from generational and systematic imprinting. And it takes very conscious work and action to remove it. I know I am going to jump in to the work. I am going to reflect inward and then use my own voice and actions to help things change. We can’t stand by and just be appalled anymore. POC can’t just be killed like this anymore. POC can’t be treated the way they are. WE MUST ALL BE THE CHANGE. Share this, share other resources, reflect, take action. IF WE AREN'T PART OF THE SOLUTION, WE ARE MOST DEFINITELY PART OF THE PROBLEM. Click the bottom link to sign the petition. They need to be held accountable. Some resources: https://docs.google.com/…/1BRlF2_zhNe86SGgHa6-…/mobilebasic… https://www.amazon.com/Me-White-Supremacy-Comb…/…/B07Y5PHNXB https://www.justiceforbigfloyd.com/
3 Comments
So, I LOVE to cook and my sister has been amazing being a FT working mom gone 12 hours a day (pre-COVID) to make fresh foods (prepped and frozen for ease) for my nephew since he started eating more than breast milk. We continue that now and he eats a wide range of things. Though, he does also like chocolate chip Cookes and ice cream. I mean, balance.
I was super excited recently, as I'm here living with them since a little before the stay at home was put in place, that we got this Infantino Squeeze Station Baby Food Maker andextra pouches. I spent a few hours one day making 2 months worth of pouches for him! I made 9 different "flavors" because I wanted a lot of variety and used the same mixture of different ingredients. I tasted a bit of each of them as did Lucas to be sure the flavors were balanced. :) We kept three in the fridge and froze the rest and just take a new one out each day to thaw in the fridge. They last 2-3 days in the fridge when you make them fresh (or when taken out of freezer) and 3 months in the freezer.
It seems like a lot to do hours of work on this but it's worth it to have it all ready for two months at a time! I pre-cooked all of the things that needed to be cooked. Some of it, I even cooked days before and froze the pureed veggies. I looked at ideas online for inspiration and then just did my own recipes. All Lucas taste tested and approved. See the video to see how to use it (simple!) and then there are recipes below.
I use the pre-cooked, plain packaged beets in the produce section.
I use frozen berries, pineapple and peaches, fresh pear (once it was a little soft) and apple-try to puree these before adding other ingredients. RECIPE 1 1 Cup Sweet Potato (steamed) 1 Cup Carrot (steamed) 3/4 Cup Broccoli (no stems) 1 Cup Applesauce RECIPE 2 1 Cup Raw Spinach 2 Small Beets 1/2 Apple- cut into small pieces and try to even mash a bit 1 Cup Steamed Zucchini 1/2 Cup Frozen Strawberries, thawed RECIPE 3 1.5 Cup Steamed Squash 3 small Beets 1 cup Steamed Carrots 2 tsp Cinnamon RECIPE 4 2 Cup Steamed Squash 1.5 Cup Peaches 2 tsp Cinnamon 1/2 TBSP ground flax RECIPE 5 1 Cup Cooked Peas 1 Pear 1 Cup Raw Spinach 1/2 TBSP ground flax 3/4 Cup Steamed Broccoli (can also add 1/3 cup edamame) RECIPE 6 1 Cup Plain, low sugar yogurt (Siggys or Maple Hill Creamery) 2/3 Cup Blueberries 2/3 Cup Rasberries 1/2 Cup natural peanut butter with no additives and no added sugar RECIPE 7 1 Cup raw Spinach 1/2 Cup Broccoli 1 Cup Steamed Carrots 1/2 Steamed Zucchini (with as little seeds as possible) 1 Pear RECIPE 8 1 Cup raw Spinach 1 Ripe Avocado 1 Cup Steamed Zucchini 3/4 Cup Strawberries 1 Small banana RECIPE 9 1 Cup Steamed Broccoli 1 Cup Steamed Zucchini 1 Cup Pineapple I'd love to hear if you make any pouches and if you try any other flavors! Please don't hate me. I am not judging you if you had one done or have done them for others. I just think people haven't truly thought through this, both on the photographer side and the families getting them. I've been seeing a lot more of the photographers I look up to putting out this same message as I am, as well as medical professionals about these sessions. PLEASE read through the end.  Most people know about the porch sessions. It’s a movement started in MA by one photographer where they go to a neighborhood, assuring social distance and taking images of families on their front porch/steps. It has spread across the country. First, I want to say, it’s a beautiful gesture. At the core, it’s a nice concept. I know many who seem to have had them done and others who were doing them but shut it down as of our stay at home orders. Yet, many are still doing them. Some, just starting. I do get that it’s a nice idea. I DO. But you can STILL raise money for people by staying at home. You can still help people because literally, staying at home is saving LIVES. But, it never sat okay with me, as a regular person or business owner. I feel I need to be responsible and take the lead. I need to set an example of what to do in these times, when we are being asked to stay home. I wouldn't even go take pictures of my family if they asked right now. I am legit staying home with my sister, BIL and nephew because they were who I was around when this started. I don't even see my boyfriend, my parents, my other family members. I have watched my friends in Italy suffer, I'm now watching it here. My friends in Italy can't even go for walks anymore and it's because many didn't just stay home and go for some basic short walks. Many took advantage and "bent the rules". This is how it feels with these porch sessions. Again, I get the gesture. It's a good one. However, is it ethical, legal and how will it reflect on you as a business? Here in MA, as in many places across the country, we were asked to stay at home. Period. We are supposed to not go out on any non-essential trips besides the grocery store/pharmacy/doctor/etc. The purpose of this is to significantly reduce coming into contact with others as much as possible. It feels like people just want to push those rules. I see it when I go walk around our lake when neighbors start with a hello from 10 ft or so away and move closer to each other as they chat. I see it with these porch sessions. I’ve seen and heard of quite a few instances from bystanders that they saw them happening in their neighborhood and the person ended up close to the clients (a dog escaped from the yard and the dad and kids chased after, basically touching the photographer as they went by, a photographer going closer to talk to the clients). For people wanting sessions, please don't ask. If you ask a photographer who is feeling stressed that they won't make ends meet or just that they want to help others, they may feel more pressure to do them. You can certainly get photos with them with this is over and support them by buying a gift certificate in the meantime. Let's ALL work to keep each there safe and not doing EXTRA things that could put them or others at any risk. What if the photographer driving around to these sessions got in an accident or tripped and fell and needed medical attention. Now is NOT the time to go to the hospital or even a doctor's office so why increase the risk of that happening? You may say, well, that could happen going to the grocery store or out for a walk. YES. But, why add MORE ways that can happen and intentionally? Now, even if you don’t end up close to them, even if you don’t have anything out of your control happen (i.e. the dog incident), is it still something you should be doing? Technically, in many places the stay at home is an order, not a suggestion. So, technically, this is not legal to be going out as a non-essential worker. You may say, “But I do it for free or charity” (the part that’s super nice and beautiful) BUT, you are still working. Whether it’s for free or you’re giving the money to a good cause, you are out there doing your job. As responsible businesses owners, I’d hope we lead and not follow, that we do what is safest for our communities and clients rather than find ways around the rules set in place that are for the good of everyone. Social distancing is meant to stop us from doing ANYTHING avoidable. We need to feed our families, we need medications, we need to get gas (or not if we are staying home), we may even need to get our families out to a local park (not playground) or hike because we don’t have a yard. However, that should be done at minimum risk. We don’t have a choice in most of those things. And even in the park or hiking, it’s not the best idea as it’s hard to keep 6 feet away when everyone decided to go out on a warm day to do the same thing. This thing is spreading and it’s spreading FAST. As a Health Care Professional and photographer (Ten 2 Ten Photography) said “Viruses don’t fly through the air measuring distance and at the 6 foot mark decide “Oops, I gotta stop infecting now – I’m 6 feet away”. The fact that some people are using 6-feet as a justification for continuing to work shows that they have an inherently incorrect understanding of what social distancing is.” I trust she knows what she’s talking about as she is on the front lines. Another nurse (Jacklyn Steele or Jacklyn Steele Photography) Please remember: we are putting our health and the health of our friends and family on the line to take care of you guys. Please do us a favor and stay in. The faster everyone does their part the faster this will all be over!! Your friends will still be there when this is done As I said, these never sat right with me. I have high risk parents. I’m a slightly higher risk than the average person. Many in my life have immune issues. HOWEVER, that’s not even the point. YOUNG people are getting this and dying. This isn’t a “well, my clients and I are all pretty healthy so I’ll take my chances.” Or, I'm keeping my distance. If I were to find out that I had it and had been around clients, I would absolutely be mortified and it would most certainly affect my business. I would feel even worse if they got it. I've known people who have had to make that call and they felt so terrible having to do so. Even people who recover at home say it’s awful. It’s not a cold. It’s not the flu.
But also, Again, we are being begged by those on the front lines to stay home. That's all they ask. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do your part. We are ALL IN THIS TOGETHER and we all have to abide by the rules. We are NOT essential. Celebrate with sessions after this is over. Book sessions now for when life gets back to normal and we CAN legally and ethically feel good doing sessions. Give tips to your clients to take their own family photo on the steps and book a session for them when this is over. You can still donate to a good cause. You can still collect donations or use your art in some way to donate to a cause from home. Donate to a food pantry, give blood, sew masks or donate to those doing it. BUT PLEASE STAY HOME. PLEASE. For the health of yourselves. For the health of your clients. For the health of your community. For the health of our first responders, our heroes, on the front lines. They are asking us to STAY HOME while they put their lives at risk daily. It's the least we can do. XO Nicole Dear Sweet Lucas, You are so little, but something very big and devastating is happening. You have no idea. You don't see much difference as you learn new milestones and play with your toys. We are thankful for that. ✨ Someday, we’ll tell you about the time this awful pandemic spread across the world right around your first birthday. ✨ We’ll tell you about how we stayed home, just you, mom, dad and auntie and only saw others through the phone or computer for weeks? Months? Daddy still had to go to work at first. He had to remove all of his clothes in the garage and shower immediately to reduce our risk of getting anything he picked up that day. ✨ We’ll tell you how kids couldn't go to school and others couldn't work and most of the store were closed. We'll tell you how so many people helped each other get through it. ✨ We’ll tell you how much gratitude everyone got for the little things they took for granted, like a hug from someone they loved, or the ability to go have coffee with a friend or to simply see those you cared about in person. ✨ We’ll tell you about how we were scared for our health, for those we love most, for those around the world who we’d never met. How we cried for people we never knew, hearing stories of how they or their loved ones died alone, in isolation. ✨ We’ll tell you how people, isolated in their homes would play music or sing on their porches or out windows with the rest of their neighborhood, coming together at a time of pain. How people drew rainbows and messages of hope on their windows and doors, sidewalks and driveways. ✨ We’ll tell you about how the stores were bare and you couldn’t find hand sanitizer or toilet paper or pasta. How we had to stand outside some stores in lines, spaced 6ft apart. How the stores did their part to provide sanitizing wipes or sanitized the carts themselves. How when you stood in line, you had to stand behind tape to ensure a safe distance. How you saw many wearing masks and gloves as they shopped and the mood was solemn. ✨ We’ll tell you about how the lights went dark on Broadway and the city streets were bare and quiet, that there was no traffic, that the malls were empty. How rush hour looked like a Sunday at 6am. ✨ We’ll tell you about the HELPERS: the doctors, nurses and other hospital staff, the other healthcare workers, the public servants. Those amazing people who put their lives on the line to save others and who had to deal with so much mental and physical stress. We are so thankful for them. We'll tell you about people who rallied and either bought or made protective equipment for these helpers. ✨ We’ll tell you about how you took your first steps during a pandemic and you could no longer go to play at the library or playground around other kids, just when you were starting to really interact with them. But, you had us. And you had family and friends who we saw through the phones and computers. You played and learned and didn't know much different. ✨ We’ll tell you how we counted down the days until we knew your grandparents were in the clear, for now. Or how we had our own countdown for you, mom and dad, and auntie as well as the rest of those we love. Every day was one day further to feeling some type of relief, for the time being. We didn't know what was to come. ✨ We’ll tell you how the Earth had a break and there was less pollution and wildlife had more chances to live and be and how amazing that was. We had hurt the planet. We gave it a break. Planes weren't flying much, cars stayed parked, factories shut down. We stopped polluting the air, if just for a short time. The air felt fresher and thinner, in a good way. ✨ We’ll tell you how the world worked TOGETHER, how communities supported each other, how neighbors looked out for each other and how we all learned so much about what’s truly important. Many realized how we are all ONE. The Earth took a chance to remind us of this. It gave us something for ALL of us to go through all at once to see just how much we are in this thing called life together. No matter what religion or skin color or corner of the world we are from, we ALL were ONE. ✨ We’ll tell you we made it through. Many did not and we grieved for them and for our world. But those of us left, together, rose back up and built back our lives. We appreciated each other more. We looked out for each other more. We realized how precious life and freedom is. We took better care of our planet and our fellow humans. We realize we are ONE together. We made it through. ❤️ {I VERY MUCH HOPE THIS IS HOW IT GOES.}❤️
  As a photographer, who documents life, I felt a pull to document what's happening in some way. I see photographers doing the "front door sessions" but I don't feel comfortable with that. If I didn't think we'll be on lockdown soon, I'd actually rather capture people through their windows, truly capturing what their day is like. Sounds kinds creepy, haha. But I think that would truly capturing the reality now. Since I'm not doing either, I decided I'd capture our city, strangely quiet. These images may not seem odd to someone who sees the city early on a weekend morning. But, the first set was taken on Thursday between 4:00-6:00pm while the second set was Friday between 2:45 and 4:30pm. It was strange for it to take only 20 minutes to get there from my house. Even on a good day, it's longer, at high traffic times, it's 3-6x as long. It was weird to pull into the city in different areas and pull right up to a light instead of being in a long line of cars, waiting through multiple light cycles. It was strange to see normally congested streets bare, to see normally bustling areas empty. I drove around first and then parked and walked. I am overly cautious and would walk about 10 feet away from anyone who passed. There is a heaviness in the air. But I also saw many small groups of people, walking close together, laughing. It amazes me that people are still not doing what they're told. It was unsettling but also calming to walk around. It was weird to not have the hustle and bustle but it was also nice. I could hear birds chirping everywhere, there weren't horns blaring or people yelling. It was a nice time to truly view and appreciate this beautiful city. Yet, all I could think is, "𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙡𝙢 𝙗𝙚𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙢". Here are the images. Sullivan Square, Charlestown 4:00pm Park Street Station, 4:15 Newbury Street 4:20ishAlmost all retailers were closed and I commend companies for doing this. Signs were on all doors. I didn't get out and walk around to take pics of those but sort of wish I did. Parking was plentiful.  
Boylston Street, 5:00  Realized it was the first time to see the memorials. I was happy to get to see and capture them with no one around. Copley Square  Weird to see the countdown to the marathon being 179 days instead of under a month. Commons and Garden, 5:25ish       Second Set. Seaport on Friday afternoon.     Faneuil Hall, all stores closed.          Downtown Crossing, 3:45ish
 South Station     Broad Street Parking spots everywhere.    Gas under $2.00 I then went home. I have been with my family all week and planned to go home just to pack up what I need indefinitely (in case of lockdown) and stay with them. Doug has been isolated in his house completely since we were together last so we were safe to be around each other. He came down and we went to Houghton's Pond. It was warm yet the wind was up. It's like the Earth is responding to what's happening. Some trees were starting to bud and we enjoyed a beautiful sunset over the pond. I can't stop thinking about how the Earth is getting a much needed rest from us. The pollution is down, we are breathing fresher air. Wildlife will surely start to come out more (I mean I saw more birds in the city than I usually do already). While we all hold our breathe, waiting. Wondering. The Earth will take a deep breath it's needed for a long time. It will be ready for us when we come back and hopefully we will appreciate it that much more and take better care of it. Maybe that's just a pipe dream, but man, I hope...       Today, I basically made a temporary move to my sisters. I said bye to Doug as he left for home and I to NH. It was emotional for me. Even though they say we are not getting locked down, we very well may. So, who knows when I will see him. That makes me sad. It's the least of our problems but when you have a person who is one of the main people you want to be with when bad things are happening and you literally don't know when you will see them in person again, it's a bummer.
Now, my family needs to make some tough decisions. It'll be so nice when this is over. Stay safe friends. We will get through this. And support and send love to those who can't be home and are out taking the risks for us. More images hopefully to come. I did some today as well in other places. XO Nicole Things feel shaky and uncertain and a bit scary. ✨ We have never been here before. ✨ We wait each day, each hour, each minute for updates. ✨ We don't know how long it will last. ✨ We lose our daily routines, our "normal". ✨ But, what do we gain? ✨ We gain time at home; to be alone, to connect with each other, to learn how to just BE when the world stops around us. ✨ Even with the littles running around, we learn to create a new normal, a somewhat simpler life with no activities to run to or events to attend. We must learn to be with ourselves and our families around the clock. ✨ We learn to appreciate. We appreciate the craziness of getting out the door in the morning and the simplicities like going to your local coffee shop or store with no worry, a simple hug. ✨ We gain wisdom. We are seeing how one drop can ripple out. We are learning. ✨ We gain perspective. We see how our actions can directly impact others. ✨ We gain love. We watch people around the world show love, from distancing musical flash mobs on balconies in Italy, to the mounds of support shown by local people and businesses to each other. We see humanity at it's finest. ✨ We learn patience. We must or we can't move through. We will go stir crazy. ✨ We learn to connect with nature since it is one of the only places we can still go and still be practicing this isolation. ✨ We learn we have strength. It times of struggle, we must dig deep to care for ourselves and our loved ones. ✨ We hold our breath so we can all breathe better. ✨ We learn that it's about the collective and not just "ME". ✨ We learn hope. Hope for what is to come when it's over. Hope for a new beginning. Hope that so much more will come out of this that is bright and beautiful and shows that we are truly ONE. ✨ ONE WORLD. ONE LOVE. ONE HOPE. Guess what else?? We are literally reducing our carbon footprint right now. Satellite maps are showing NO pollution in certain areas with things shut down that are usually thick with it. How awesome is that?  I won't lie. I'm a little scared. I'm scared for my parents who have all three of the highest risk factors. I'm scared for all of the people who will end up with this virus and have to deal with the awfulness that we are seeing it is thanks to first hand accounts both young and old. I'm scared for our health care workers and first responders. And I'm scared for the financial hit we are all going to take that will take a bit to recoup from. I've found myself emotional at both happy and sad things. That's my go to. When nervous or confused or tired (is anyone else just TIRED right now?) or sad, I cry. But, I also have been working on staying grounded, setting up virtual coffee with friends and FaceTiming my nephew as much as possible. This is hard and it will continue to be. But we will all get through it. I wanted to share some resources for people, an announcement for something I hope to do each week and even a few recipes you may enjoy while you have time to cook/bake. First, resources! I've compiled some great things to do with kids at home and some for the adults as well! Download the Resources and Recipes HERE Small businesses will take a big hit, especially photographers and other service industries. We have no clue how long it will last but everything says, probably a couple of months minimum. So, how can you help support small businesses at this time?
✨
✨
Love to you all during this time and always. XO Nicole I love to capturing families in their home, even if they want some images outside as well. Capturing your baby's nursery allows for more personal images and memories that are who you are as a family right NOW. I think it is so special to look back on images from the nursery as it was when they were tiny, how small they were in the crib, how tiny they are in your arms as you read a book. This family was referred by C's sister who is a long time client. I've loved capturing her 3 girls growing and love them as a family so I was excited to work with C and B and their super cute baby girl. We had a chilly day but everyone handled it well. I enjoyed every moment I spent with this family and making sure to get their fur baby in and I was excited to provide them with beautiful wall art for their home and gifts for their families. A few of the walls we designed are sampled below. :)          I got to meet this gorgeous family in the Fall. They have this precious little boy with the best hair. WE lucked out with a not too chilly day and were able to capture some special imagery for them to remember this special time, when he is starting to show so much personality but not quite on the move or sitting yet. I love this age. They are still snuggly but also starting with the smiles and laughs. I also love capturing both indoors and out. Enjoy.      
Mamas out there, I want you to know, even though I’m not a mama, that I SEE you and I HEAR you. My sister was born when I was 12 so I was sort of like a second mom and experienced her growth. I spent years as a nanny, for some families, 12 hours a day, and was in the trenches of what it’s like to raise kids and the toll that can take on mothers (and dads). I also spent a lot of time helping family members care for their babies. Now, my sister has a baby and I have spent the last year back in it all. I was there for the labor and there for the first days home and every week, I’ve been there for 1-2 days. Let me say again, MAMAS, I HEAR YOU AND SEE YOU. Of course it’s not the SAME as being a mom. Your experience is multiplied by 50. Raising humans is HARD and BEAUTIFUL and EXHAUSTING and AMAZING. It’s a roller coaster of emotions and a constant struggle of “am I doing what’s right” and “am I good enough?”
Let me tell you, YOU ARE AMAZING.
Women ARE really amazing, aren’t we? We were made to grow tiny humans inside of us and then to nurture and help them become bigger humans. I mean, I’m not doing that but I’m a great auntie and think all of you who do it are F’n rockstars.
We have a strength that can’t be matched. By strength, I don’t mean “being okay all of the time” or “pushing through everything with ease”. I mean being in difficult moments and seeking help. I mean feeling low and recognizing it and finding ways to get out of it (or not). I mean sharing your struggle with others (or not). I mean RAISING HUMANS whether you do it full time or go to work and juggle both. I mean, in the face of an unfair system where you are still expected to work like you are not a mother raising kids but also expected to raise kids as if you have NOTHING else in your life. Whether it’s work or coffee with friends and a yoga class or a long run, you deserve to have your life in addition to being that mom. Your strength to do it whatever way you are doing it regardless of those expectations is remarkable. Take a minute and let that sink in. YOU ARE AMAZING.
I’m going to give big props to my sister here. (And her awesome supportive, loving husband. This post is mainly about the mamas but I also think there are some amazing dads out there!) Not everyone does it or can do it like she has, but I feel that I want to share her amazingness because she deserves it. My sister is that person who decides what she wants and how she wants it and honestly, 90% of the time, it works out that way. Hello, law of attraction. She believes she can get there and she does. It takes that energy of a full, deep belief and the actions she takes to reach her goals. I haven’t been that person. I never believed in myself or that I would “get there” and it took me until I was in my Thirties to really start figuring that out and working through it. She has always had a confidence and a drive that I admire. Remember, this is about my sister. It’s not about you and your story which may be different. It’s just my admiration for women and what they have the potential to do with support and love.
She told me when she was going to get pregnant and she did. She told me how she wanted to the labor to go and though, it didn’t fully work out that way, she handled it well. She was induced for DAYS. Her plan was no drugs, natural birth, to give the baby his best start. That’s just a reality that the best start is no drugs and to come through naturally to get all of that wonderful good bacteria. Is it for everyone? NOPE. It doesn’t mean your baby can’t be healthy through other ways. You can absolutely do it other ways should you need (Hell, she ended up with the drugs and watching the pain she was in as the baby was shifted to cause pain in her back, I didn’t blame her. I do think if she hadn’t been induced, she potentially could have handled the pain. But, she took the drugs and she slept a much needed sleep as the induction went on for another 24 hours.
The baby was doing well and everything looked good so even when it was going slower than they liked and the hint of a C section came up, she advocated for herself and asked to keep going. Because there was no threat, they said okay. She chose to try what SHE felt was best, knowing he was okay and they let her. 4.5 hours of pushing and she did it. 4.5 hours. I can’t say I think I’d last through that. She did. And she had this beautiful baby boy.
But, you know what else she had? She had support. She had a supportive husband and other people who supported what she wanted and encouraged her that she could do it but also let her know that she would do what was best for her in the end. When it came to that first day, she was tired but so in love and she tried to feed him and did. She wanted to breast feed to give him the ultimate nutrition. Yes, that’s a fact. It’s okay if you couldn’t do it. It’s okay if you had to go another route. Again, everyone needs to do what is best. But, it’s also what our bodies were made for and it’s the most natural thing in the world for not just humans, but so many other animals. I often wonder if the extreme pressure wasn’t put on women, that they would be able to do it easier. Some may not because they physically can’t do it and that’s ok. But, I wonder if it was all love and support and “You can do this” not “You HAVE to do this” if it would change the narrative, the energy of it. If it would take the pressure off. I can’t imagine that pressure, whether internal and systematic or external helps your body perform at it’s most natural state. But in the end, you need to do what is best for both you and your baby.
Anyway, she did well and when he had a rough day after being put under the lights, he struggled and she stressed about having to give him a bottle. I was there to reassure her, to support her. It is okay. He needs something. He already was taking to the breast and he will again. He is off today because of what he had done and you can still feed him. You can hold him against your chest while you give him a bottle. You can breast feed again when he has adjusted a bit. And you know what, he went back to it easily, even after a few rough . If I hadn’t been there supporting her, maybe it wouldn’t have been as easy. She may have been more stressed about it. If she was told over and over “you don’t have to breast feed” (She was told this a couple of times) maybe she wouldn’t have tried. With either situation, she may have been even more in her head about it. And that stress and energy would be felt by him so it could have been harder. Women (and really, just people) need support and love and assurance. 
In those first months, it was HARD. She was honest about it. She struggled like any other new mom. hey were exhausted and wondered if they were doing it “right”. But they trusted. They did what they felt to be best for the baby and for them. They also still had support- from each other and others. PEOPLE! If you have a new set of parents or new mom in your life (or any mom, new or seasoned or soon to be), HELP AND SUPPORT THEM. Let them vent. Don’t try to give advice unless they ask or do it gently and in a supportive way, giving them options to decide what’s best. Hold the baby while they lay down or clean up and do things they are feeling they can’t get to otherwise. I mean, a baby mostly sleeps and those tiny baby cuddles while they do so are so wonderful.
COOK some food. (or even plan a meal service) I food prepped every week for them. I made frittatas and refrigerated and froze them in individual portions. I did the same with meals. I found recipes for lactation cookies and smoothies. Cookies were put in containers and some frozen. Smoothie ingredients were put in individual portions in the freezer, the powder/dry ingredients in small bags in the cabinet and all she had to do in her tired state was put them in a blender with a little yogurt and milk. I helped make eating healthy and that daily chore manageable for them. They needed their strength and needed nourishing, healthy foods. Mama needed lots of great nutrients and good food to keep feeding that growing baby boy. It was the LEAST I could do.
She had a plan to pump when she went back to work and to also meal prep him fresh vegetables and fruits when he would start eating. I remember telling some people this early on and their response was, “Well, we’ll see if that happens” and “everyone thinks they’re going to do things like that but then realize it’s hard”. WOW. Instead of “great for her” or “how can I support her and assist her in some way”, it was defeatist. I supported her. I told her I’d help her meal prep if it ever got to be too much. I supported her plan to pump and luckily, her work makes it easy for her as well. And you know what??? She pumped every day at work and still does, planning on pulling back and giving herself the break from it when he turns a year (her choice) so he will have some of it for a bit longer but then be weaning. She has meal prepped and this baby has eaten fresh foods from the first food into his mouth. This isn't for everyone but with help, I bet many could do it IF they wanted. But, YOU do YOU. She didn’t want him having jars that sit on shelves and that was her choice and she found a way to make it easy for her. He loves spinach and broccoli and carrots and bananas and yogurt. He also loves meatballs and brownies (recent try). He loves real food and of course, a little fun treat once in a while.
My sister has to be gone to work for 12 hours a day with the commute time and actual work. They work in research in the city, away from their NH home. They leave at 5:30am before the baby is up for the day (most of the time). It is really F’n HARD. She has struggled with guilt and missing him and milestones and just TIME. But, it’s a reality. They have to work. They don’t have the fortune to do It any other way currently. Again, she is supported. When she’s felt that guilt, I reassure her. When I have the baby once or twice a week, we facetime, I send videos and pictures all day so she feels she is a part of it.
I have to say, that it has been amazing to me how people can criticize her and have comments or issue with decisions she’s made. Any decision a parent makes about how to raise their child is THEIR decision and as long as it doesn’t directly affect you, you should never give them a hard time about it. If you think it’s wrong, oh well. They will be fine or they will learn a lesson (or not). The kicker is that the most criticism and reaction she has gotten isn't to things that could do any harm or super extreme. It has been to breast feeding, how she wants him to healthier whole foods as his main nutrition and how she doesn’t want him to have a ton of gifts and would rather the presence and experience and to not have a bunch of “stuff” especially not things that would hurt the environment, because she cares about that. Those all go directly to HER VALUES. I would have thought those were all things that would be supported. Not just because it’s HER choice of what she does and what she wants. But also because, WHAT IS WRONG with healthier choices and setting her kid up for success with his health/nutrition? And WHAT IS WRONG with caring about the environment and wanting him to value experiences and true connection with those he loves above THINGS?
I’m dumbfounded every single time I hear of or literally hear someone voice having issue with any of these things. I mean, if she were feeding him McDonalds every day and buying him every toy off the shelf every day, would that be better?
It’s easy for people to judge other's decisions. Maybe it’s easy for you. Maybe it’s hard. Maybe you feel you can’t handle much and others can. I believe YOU CAN. I believe with a little support and encouragement, everyone can do it. The answers are inside of you, not in the “noise: and it really does take a village. Find your village.
I'll be honest, even I have given my advice. I have experience and knowledge of what to do with babies and kids but I have regretted sometimes the way it comes out. Instead, I try to make a suggestion but not tell her what to do. Or to ask a question instead if I'm curious why she is doing something a certain way, because she has reasons for things she does and she usually has a great answer.
My sister has rocked this motherhood thing because of multiple reasons. It wasn’t because she’s perfect and does it all “right” and never doubts herself. It’s because she isn’t perfect, she does doubt herself and then figures out what is best. She is driven, knows what she wants and doesn’t let others sway her. She has had SUPPORT. Support is KEY. SUPPORT the mamas in your life! She let herself have the hard moments. She is honest about them. She isn’t always “doing great”. Neither is any other mom (or anyone at all) out there. She is constantly listening to herself and taking only what she needs from all of the noise coming at her to decide what is best for her and her baby. SO, big props to my little sister for believing in herself, advocating for herself and making sure she has support around her. To the mamas who are rocking it or struggling to figure it out, you are awesome. Keep going. To those who know a mama (or dad), find ways to support them, ASK them what they need. Mamas (and dads) ACCEPT support. IT TAKES A DAMN VILLAGE. I am so happy I've been there with her on this journey and that I've been able to capture so many great memories for her and freeze them in time. What will the future and new babies bring? Who knows. But I'll be there to help and support her.
I would LOVE to capture more mamas and dads in their real journey. Whether it’s the happy, beautiful moments of your day, spending time together, breastfeeding, bottle feeding or spoon feeding your little, documenting those first days home when you are tired and also so in love with your new bundle, whether you let me capture the ups AND downs or just the ups or whether playing with your littles and enjoying your time, playing games, out at a favorite park. Whatever tells YOUR story, let’s sit and create that vision. Let's chat and see what amazingness we can create.
Here's just a small sample of the amazing moms I get to capture with their babies.
 I debated whether to write this post on my personal blog (which hasn't seen me for quite a while) or here (which, again, hasn't seen me much recently). It is going to be a deeply personal post but the truth is, I want clients to know me for who I am. I am an open book and want clients to trust me and share their families, those they love most and to share themselves. So, why wouldn't I do the same? I have spent weeks with waves of emotions hitting me. This emotion isn't sadness. It's been tears. but tears of gratitude. It's the culmination of a very tough decade that has resulted in so many beautiful things and people. I started the decade, a 29 year old coming off of a tough decade before, filled with depression and the long illness and then passing of my grandmother, one of the most important people in my life. I was looking forward to the next decade to be much better. It started off well. I decided to take the plunge into photography as a business. I started to work on myself with intensive work and saw change in myself and my life. Then, in 2013, my entire life was shaken. I was shaken. It seems like a distant memory now yet I can be right back on Boylston Street with chaos around me if I allow my brain to go there. Luckily, it does not affect me in the way it did then. Sometime it's even like a story I'm remembering. Like a movie I have seen so many times, I have it memorized. I can say that at the time, and a lot of people will attest to this, I had a lot of ups and downs and probably seemed fine at times. But I also had many many times that I thought I would never be the same again. I had never felt so alone as I did that year, even with the mounds of support around me. I had many times where I felt hopeless, anxious and sad. It sort of became who I was and most days I refused to accept that and was determined to move through it. Other days, it completely consumed me.
Maybe it's because we are afraid. Maybe we are scared to see what's deep inside and work through it. I get it. It is so very hard. But the other side is amazing. I worked hard. I felt like there was literally something living inside me that had a hold of my heart and my soul. I remember telling a friend how I felt like I lost a piece of my soul. But I was going to get it back. So I put in the work. I did something I never did and I asked for support. I publicly shared my struggles which in the past, I would NEVER have done. I hit it from every angle. I worked on ME mentally, emotionally energetically (this was by far the most effective part), spiritually and physically. You can't just hit it from one angle. All of it combined helped me. I moved. I moved through and forward. I had a physical illness that hit me after a year of the intense trauma effects that is still with me to this day. It's hard. This body I'm currently in doesn't feel like me. However, even that, even feeling crappy most days, I know it will be figured out soon and I will overcome this as well. It has been frustrating and a roller coaster but I've never given up on believing it will get better. So, what has this decade and it's experiences taught me? AWARENESS: I am more aware of myself and my connection to every other single person on this planet and to the planet itself as well as the energy around me. I am more aware of my place in all of it and how I want it to go. I am much more aware and compassionate to other's struggles, even those who do harm or "bad". I am aware that we all come from somewhere, we all have traumas big and small, even if we don't want to admit it and we all have work to do to be our best selves, constant life long work that can be heartbreaking and wonderful and beautiful. I am also aware on how I want to treat people and this planet and that has led to many lifestyle choices to mainly plant based (my health issues led me to this as well but I believe that was a sign), changing most of my household and personal care products, using eco-friendly products in my business and many other choices and changes I have or am implementing. GRATITUDE: I am incredibly grateful for those who supported me and continued to support me in my lowest points, in my high points, in my business and my life. I am grateful for the true love I feel from those people and the love I feel for them, for myself and for so many other things and people in my life and this world. I've made so many new friendships that feel like they were always there. You now when people just perfectly fit into your life as if they are meant to be there? Well, guess what? They are. I also have the most incredible family. In all of it's imperfections, there is so much love. EXPERIENCES: I traveled to a place I've wanted to go since I was little thanks to my aunt and uncle, hiked mountains, established myself as a honorary local in Cinque Terre, learned new ways of healing, and had many more experiences. I FOUND a love and a light inside of myself that I never knew was there. I started to see life and the world around me in a completely different light, a beautiful light. Even those in the world who weren't "good". I've FELT love like I never had with the people in my life.
STRENGTH: It's true that "You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice." You DO get to decide. Strength doesn't mean pretending you're okay when you're not. It doesn't mean holding it together when you're in pain. It means getting out of your comfort zone. It means asking for help when you need it, not caring what others think and doing what's best for YOU. LOVE: I already talked about love before but like I said, I didn't know how to really love anyone before all of this happened. I couldn't fully love because I didn't even know or love myself. It's funny because I always told people in my later 20s that I didn't want to date because I knew I wasn't ready. I was right. After I came through, I was ready. And it came to me in a way I least expected. A person who had crossed paths with me but I had never met. A person who has shown me that what I thought I wanted and what I thought a relationship was "supposed" to look like was not even what I wanted. A person who supports me unconditionally yet also challenges me and helps me grow. A person who makes me laugh constantly, who has this way of debating topics with me without things getting heated and if anything, many times ending in a laugh or shake of the head. A person who has a completely different way of communicating than me and yet, I've wholly accepted and learned that and man, does it work. This is a love I didn't know I wanted and didn't know existed. Another love I didn't expect was the love I have for Lucas, my nephew. More great things that happened included my sister's marriage to someone wonderful and the birth of this little boy who has such a strong hold on my heart, I get teary just thinking about it. What a great way to end this decade with these two loves.
BUSINESS: I learned what I truly wanted to do in my business, how I want to do it and what other areas I wanted to explore. I learned that it's not worth working nonstop if you aren't enjoying life. I thought I was going to die on April 15, 2013. I have been in car accidents before and those were scary but there's nothing like a fear that keeps going for minutes and days, that feeling that another bomb can go off where you are. So, it taught me that LIFE IS PRECIOUS. You don't have endless amounts of time to ENJOY IT. I want to enjoy it. I want to enjoy those I love and places I love. I want to spend time alone and knowing and growing myself. I'm still building and working to get to that place where I have a perfect balance of both business and personal life, but I'm always moving closer to it. I have met some of the best clients and truly LOVE what I do. I love the connection I make with these amazing people and the way I get to watch families grow. After my realization on how precious memories and having those memories to enjoy and share (see my previous blog), I am also blessed to provide amazing eco-friendly and heirloom products so people can share their family stories with future generations. SENSE OF SELF: I have come to know myself and how my body speaks to me in ways I never knew were possible. I know when I need rest and when I have something I'm holding onto and need to release. I know when I'm feeling someone else's anxieties, sadness or anger and when it could be my own. I know how to work through it easily and quickly. I know WHO I AM and I know that person will continually change and embrace that.
I have hope for the future. During my hardest times, I said I wanted to be who I was before that day. But once I was moving through it and saw who I could be and who I was becoming, I changed that to not wanting to be that person I was before. That wasn't possible but the person who came out on the other side was lightyears better. I can't wait to see what this decade holds. I will always look at this decade as the one of extreme growth and I'll always be thankful for it. Thank you to those who have been a part of my journey. I look forward to you staying along for the next ride. Here's what I'm doing in 2020:
Here's to a happy and successful decade that will have more ups, downs and growth but it will all be leading somewhere amazing for all of us. DO THE WORK. YOU HAVE IT IN YOU.  |
Archives
May 2020
Categories
All
|
RSS Feed